I’ll be honest here.  Jessica Biel really isn’t one of my favorites, but she gets a near-perfect score and wins a fashion silver medal for her ensemble for the Los Angeles premiere of ‘Total Recall’. I do need to take a few tenths of a percentage off for some minor flaws, though.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

Jessica’s Dress by Christian Dior; Shoes by Louis Vuitton; Clutch by Jimmy Choo; Jewelry by Tom Binns

This updated retro strapless dress by Dior is lovely.  It represents the classic Dior ‘New Look’ from 1947 (cinched waist, full skirt) and is still thoroughly modern with the hidden front split and was taken directly off the 2012 Spring/Summer runway collection. I just adore this frock.  The tea-length is flattering on Jessica, who has legs for days.  I’ve not provided a price on this dress, as it’s couture.  That should be enough of a hint on that price tag, yes?

Those shoes.  Can we talk about THOSE SHOES?  Louis Vuitton’s Merry Go Round Pumps With Silver Metal Toe-Cap, to be exact, are nothing short of spectacular.  These courts are not available online, but I hear-tell they are running at around $10,000.  (You heard me correctly.)  Yikes.

Ring by, uhh…Justin Timberlake!

You’re probably wondering how I could mark Jessica down from a perfect score.  I’ll be blunt.  At the risk of sounding like a crabby Eastern European Olympic Games Judge, I simply do not care for the nail art combined with LV and couture Christian Dior.  I also feel the earrings are just too much.  I do like the tangly Tom Binns necklace, but Jessica should have stopped right there.  Her engagement ring and a nice pale pink or nude manicure would have sufficed.  The look is dangerously on the edge of becoming 9th Grade Dance with accessories from Claire’s.  You know, when the 15 year old girls want to be covered head-to-toe in bling (are we still using that word?) and just cannot edit their look yet.

Remember Coco Chanel’s advice: “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.“  Jessica didn’t look in the mirror, apparently.  Having said that, she still gets an overall score of “HIT”!